“Flippin' Fetchers” Beats Out “Stinkin' Dangit” in Mormon Fake-Swearing Contest


The results are in from yesterday’s 7th annual Church Curse-Off, in which English-speaking Mormons from across the country compete to add cleaner-sounding substitutes for traditional curse words into the LDS lexicon. The competition takes place bracket style: two contestants each use their own fake swear to a panel of judges, who then rates them on creativity, similarity to actual curse words, and emotional satisfaction while yelling them.

“I felt pretty good about 'Flippin’ Fetchers going in,” said 2018 champion Jake Ellsworth, a Utah native. “I’d heard most of the stuff other people were going to use and I knew it had potential.”

While many contestants came in with tried-and-true tactics, such as just saying the letter of a swear word instead of the actual word (e.g. “bad-A," "what the eff,” “H-no"), they were eliminated in early rounds for being too on-the-nose.

“We’d seen that all before,” one judge commented. “I was like, what the fudge, are you serious? This again?"

While most of the Curse-Off took place without incident, one contestant was disqualified for her use of the word “butt,” which some judges deemed to definitely be a bad word in their house, and another was disqualified for the word “betch,” which sounded like a swear when one judge said it with a rural Utah accent.

“Honestly we were really looking for something different this year,” said one judge. “And as fun as Stinkin’ Dangit is to say, the brilliant use of alliteration is really what gave Flippin’ Fetchers the edge.”

Previous winners of the Curse-Off include “son of a bishop,” "frickin ticked,” “flippin' heck,” and “what the shiz."

Jason WoodwardComment