LDS Church announces new policy rescheduling Saturday morning baptisms so more YSAs can play ball
Salt Lake City — In a groundbreaking move away from tradition, the LDS Church announced in a statement today that it would be rescheduling all Saturday morning baptisms to Sunday evenings in an effort to accommodate young single adults who "just want to play some ball.” The news has made waves across Utah.
“Really it’s a testimony builder to me,” said Mike Stevens, whose friend has a key to a nearby church. “I can’t tell you how many times me and my boys have showed up ready to get buckets, only to see chairs and refreshments taking up half the gym because some kid just turned eight."
“It shows that church leadership gets our generation and what’s important to us,” added Jon Nelson, the guy who is 6’6 but somehow doesn’t know how to play inside and always acts like a point guard. “I mean baptisms are important for sure. But they can do those any time if we’re being honest. I’m going boating later so this is the only time that worked for me.”
Preston Miller, the guy who dribbles way too much and calls a foul every time he misses a wild shot in the lane, said he knew this day would come.
“I’ve been praying for it since I got back from my mission,” he said. “In my heart of hearts, I always had a feeling. It just goes to show that if you're living right, you will be blessed. Tender mercies, ya know."